


group

by onthighsbelongtotaemin



Series: group [1]
Category: SHINee
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 22:10:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8818054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onthighsbelongtotaemin/pseuds/onthighsbelongtotaemin
Summary: tonight is the monthly meeting of a group of strangers to discuss their success & failures in handling their mental health diagnoses.





	

jonghyun fidgets in his chair, one hand on the styrofoam cup of coffee in front of him & the other gripping his seat.   he’s one of the first to arrive & the silence is unnerving, a trigger, & he’s fighting the urge to fly out of the room & get back to his apartment, back to quiet & control.  beneath the table roo rubs at his ankle & he feels some of the tension dissipate, reaching down to scratch her behind the ear.  as anxious as he feels right now, he has to admit that more often than not he feels better after attending these meetings so he sips his coffee, grips his chair, & watches as the other members begin to arrive.

jinki arrives first.  actually jinki was there first, before jonghyun, setting up the room, unfolding chairs & getting the coffee going.  he comes back in, his arms wrapped around white bundles that he soon begins taping to the walls, lists with titles like “rules of conduct” & “principles of support”.  he smiles at jonghyun & takes a seat directly across the long plastic folding table from him.  he opens his mouth to speak when minho comes striding through the door, impeccably dressed in a dark gray business suit, black hair short & in place.  he lifts his hand in greeting & takes one of the seats across the table from jonghyun & jonghyun notices that minho’s leg begins twitching as soon as he sits.  jinki smiles at minho & starts small talk with the two, asking jonghyun how roo is doing & comparing team scores with minho (they’re both avid football fans but for opposing teams which leads to some hilarious conflicts).  a fourth man enters while minho is arguing that his team captain is in fact competent & can in fact carry the team to the finals.  he’s quiet giving a terse smile at  jinki’s “hello” before grabbing the seat at the far end of the table.  minho & jinki go back to their discussion for a few minutes while jonghyun does his best to subtly [check out] the newcomer.   

the man is striking, there is no other way to put it.  smooth skin & piercing eyes, a scarred eyebrow that gives off an aura of danger that was at odds with the pinkest sweetest bow lips jonghyun had ever seen.  the man leans back, his arms crossed as he stares at the table, radiating tension.  

two minutes before their group is scheduled to begin, taeyeon breezes through the doorway, a whirlwind of bags, oversized coat, & apologizes spilling off her lips as she grabs one of the last chairs in the room.  jonghyun notes that she’s wearing a purple shirt today, a change from her usual all black attire.  she’d been complaining in recent groups that colours were stressing her out & black felt like a comfort, a security against [her illness] & jonghyun can’t help but wonder what’s [caused] the change. 

jinki stands up, brushing his hands against his jeans & smiles at the four others, scattered about the small room.  

“ok lets get started. for those who don’t know, my name is jinki & i’m a peer counselor. my diagnosis is bi-polar disorder & i’ve been in recovery for three years.  my week has been going well, i was able to attend my boyfriend’s recital & i wasn’t sure i was going to make it, because of work stuff, so that was definitely a highlight.  ok lets get started with check-in, how has everyone been doing this week?”  there’s a short pause before minho begins to speak, 

“hi, i’m minho & my diagnoses are general anxiety & ocd.  well it’s actually been a pretty good week for me, the meds have definitely helped.  work was a little rough, a few clients who were not happy.  but i used my coping skills, took a few deep breaths, & focused on what i could do to help them rather than get caught up in the fact that there was a problem at all.  it got me through but i’m still a little on edge, like it could go either way if i’m not careful.  but i think i’ll be ok.   it’s definitely helped that eunsook was able to come back from her business trip early.  i missed her.”  he finished with a smile on his face, a look of nervous relief on his face as he rubs the wedding band on his finger.  the others nodded their heads in understanding, a good week was always something to be celebrated.  

“thanks minho, for sharing.  i’m glad to hear that things are going well for you & that you’re able to put your coping skills to use.  who wants to share next?”  there was a lull as the group waited for the next volunteer & jinki used the silent pause to remind everyone that sharing was totally optional, no one had to speak if they didn’t want to.

“i’ll go next”, says taeyeon, her silver rings glistening as she leans on her elbows, her hands fluttering near her face.  

“my name is taeyeon & my diagnosis is major depression.  i’ve been really struggling this summer, i ended up in respite twice & i really didn’t think i was going to make it, i felt so awful.  but my doctor changed my meds & it’s been like i was in a dark hole & someone turned on the light.  like, i don’t feel completely whole but i feel better than i have in a really long time.  like…i’m actually wearing colour & it isn’t making me panic.”  she smiles, the first smile jonghyun has seen on her face for awhile.  damn, he thinks, she’s really pretty.  “also, i have this friend in dance class, his name is jongin & he’s been so supportive of me through this whole time.  honestly he’s been so great & i’m just so thankful to have him in my life.”  she nods as she speaks, a brilliant smile on her face.  “so yeah, i’m feeling better & things are going well.”  

“good taeyeon, i’m glad to hear it.  it’s always nice to have support from friends.”   

jonghyun looks around the room, there are only two people left & it looks like it is going to be his turn.  he glances at the new guy, giving him a chance to speak if he wants, but the man is still staring at the table, his arms gripped tight to his body.  

“i uh…” was as far as jonghyun got before he was cut off.  

“my name is kibum & i was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia.”  the words were sharp & quick, like he is reciting from a play he doesn’t want to perform in.   suddenly he softens, slumping.  “actually i was diagnosed five years ago, when i was 19.  but i’ve recently accepted my diagnosis & begun treatment.  i was homeless for a few years, just floating around & self-medicating.  i never thought of myself as mentally ill, i was certain that my family was just trying to get rid of me, lock me up.”   he paused, his head tilting in thought.  “it’s surreal to look back on it because my paranoia was so high i honestly believed that but there was no reason for me to.  anyway, this last year has been a struggle, getting medicated & getting the right medication.  i even got a job a few months ago & it’s been hard but i’ve managed to keep it.  my dogs have really helped me out.  i got them when i was living on the streets & my landlord has been cool about letting me keep them.  so yeah…”  kibum shifted in his chair, still staring at the table but sitting a little straighter, like a weight had been lifted.  

“that’s awesome kibum, i’m glad to hear that things are working out for you.   let me know if you need anything, referral to other supports & such.  good for you.  it’s definitely hard to accept a mental illness diagnosis, there’s such a stigma against it so it’s pretty amazing for you to have pushed through all that to take care of yourself.  that’s great.”   

it’s jonghyun’s turn.  he feels roo shift her head on his foot & he thinks he’ll be okay.  

“i’m jonghyun & my primary diagnosis is ptsd.  this is roo down here, my service dog.  she’s a little clingy today because she knows i’ve been more anxious than usual.  uh…my dad called a few nights ago.  i haven’t heard from him in three years & i was glad to keep it that way.  but uh…yeah suddenly he called up & wanted to talk & he acted like it had been three days instead of three years since we last spoke & i…”, jonghyun puts a fist to his mouth, fights back the tears.  this is hard but it’ll be worth it to get it out.  “i told him i couldn’t talk to him.  i didn’t make excuses, i didn’t say i was busy.  i told him i couldn’t talk to him, that i wouldn’t, that he should not call me again ever & i hung up.  & it was hard, there’s always that part of my mind that thinks ‘he’s my dad & i should respect him’.  but he’s not a good man & his presence is my life is not something i want or need.  especially if i want to get to the point of recovery.”  

he’s never spoken about his father before in a group, he’s barely talked about him to his counselors.  it feels weird to discuss it, as little as he has, it makes him feel vulnerable in a way he doesn’t like but he also feels proud of what he was able to do, by himself, without lying, & he wants to share it.  he’s glad he did.  

“other than that it’s been pretty quiet.   roo & i found a new dog park in the area that we’ve been going to on thursdays & my job at the radio station has been going well, the hours work great with my insomnia.  & yeah…things are pretty good.” 

“that’s great jonghyun.  that was a really brave thing you did.  excellent.  all right that’s it for tonight.  thank you all for sharing & i hope you have a great weekend.  i’ll see you next week.”    

minho leaves first, a high-five to jinki & a nod to jonghyun before he heads out the door.  

taeyeon’s next, gathering up her bag & slipping into her ridiculously oversized coat.  she leaves & as she heads to the parking lot jonghyun catches sight of a slender man get out of a car & open a door for her.  from the way he smiles at taeyeon, jonghyun’s pretty sure that’s jongin & he’s impressed that he not only held the door for her but that he waited patiently in his car for the group hour.  

he glances over at kibum who, to his surprise, is still there.  he glances at jinki, who’s cleaning up, wrapping up the posters & turning off the coffee pot.  he stands up to go, thinks better of it, & leans over to speak.  

“i can give you directions to the dog park if you ever want to go.  i don’t know how close it’ll be to you but it’s really nice & quiet with a view of the river.  it’s just really peaceful & you might enjoy it.”  

kibum glances up & jonghyun’s world shifts a little at how mesmerizing the other man’s eyes are.  

“thanks, that would be great.”  a little smile makes it’s way onto his lips & jonghyun can’t help but smile in return.  he writes down the address & then adds his phone number before he can change his mind.  kibum gives him an appraising look & jonghyun quickly tells him that it’s in case he needs directions.  

“i could always google it.”  

“yeah but…sometimes it’s nice to have someone to talk to.  outside of group.  & roo loves to make friends.”  kibum laughs at that, finally uncrosses his arms & stands up.  

“i’m sure comme des & garcons would love to meet her.”  he says as he slips out the door.  

jonghyun follows jinki out to the parking lot, passing the cars to get to the bus stop.  jinki’s boyfriend, taemin, rides the same bus to their building that jonghyun catches to get downtown.   taemin steps out of the back as jonghyun climbs in the front, taking a seat with roo snuggled between his feet & as the bus pulls away from the curb jonghyun finds that he was right; he does feel better for coming.       


End file.
